Messages of Love All postcards courtesy Colin Lindzey August 2025
Courting couples were often separated by their own family obligations, so postcards sometimes were send on Christmas Day itself.
Relationships are a cycle of private and public disclosures. They start with finding someone suitable for settling down as a couple, and go through a method of announcing it to the world, sometimes followed by children, and end up as a couple again. These postcards reflect the early part of the relationship ,with the addition of warnings from other family members about the rest of the cycle.
Courtship
Courting was a lengthy process with men undergoing extended apprenticeships and women learning domestic skills by being put into domestic service with middle-class families. Often there were lengthy periods of separation and communication by postcards was vital in reassuring the continuing affection of both parties.
Courting was a lengthy process with men undergoing extended apprenticeships and women learning domestic skills by being put into domestic service with middle-class families. Often there were lengthy periods of separation and communication by postcards was vital in reassuring the continuing affection of both parties.
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Teasing
Couples who were dating (seen out alone without a chaperone) were usually expected to marry and breeches of courtship could lead to litigation. But open declarations of affection before marriage were limited by social rules of modesty and strict etiquette. Decorum and probiety were essential to avoid accusations of vulgarity.
"Flirtation postcards" were a popular way of suggesting you wanted the relationship to develop. Because postcards were sent by public distribution, messages of affection were often to be read (and discussed) by family, friends and the general public. Instead of openly declaring affection, teasing was a way of showing intimacy.
Couples who were dating (seen out alone without a chaperone) were usually expected to marry and breeches of courtship could lead to litigation. But open declarations of affection before marriage were limited by social rules of modesty and strict etiquette. Decorum and probiety were essential to avoid accusations of vulgarity.
"Flirtation postcards" were a popular way of suggesting you wanted the relationship to develop. Because postcards were sent by public distribution, messages of affection were often to be read (and discussed) by family, friends and the general public. Instead of openly declaring affection, teasing was a way of showing intimacy.
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Promises of Eternal Love
Divorce was extremely rare in the Victorian period and most marriages lasted whether happy or not. Before the Matrimonial Causes Act of 1857, divorce had to be by Act of Parliament; after then men could sue for divorce for adultery by wives, but women required to additionally prove cruelty or desertion.
Divorce was extremely rare in the Victorian period and most marriages lasted whether happy or not. Before the Matrimonial Causes Act of 1857, divorce had to be by Act of Parliament; after then men could sue for divorce for adultery by wives, but women required to additionally prove cruelty or desertion.
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Warnings
Long periods apart could lead to jealousy and forebodings, particularly true when obligations to employers necessitated long absences without a convenient mailing address. A cryptic postcard could get the message through without having to raise the issue directly.
Long periods apart could lead to jealousy and forebodings, particularly true when obligations to employers necessitated long absences without a convenient mailing address. A cryptic postcard could get the message through without having to raise the issue directly.
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Missing You
On Antiques Roadshow jewels are referenced as tokens of love. But they were out of the reach of working-class Box young couples, saving up to be able to afford to rent a home. Instead, flowers and postcards showing them were used to reflect loving intentions.
On Antiques Roadshow jewels are referenced as tokens of love. But they were out of the reach of working-class Box young couples, saving up to be able to afford to rent a home. Instead, flowers and postcards showing them were used to reflect loving intentions.
Declarations of love could be expressed by postcards referring to the names of the couple. They were deemed to have been specially selected after extensive research.
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Advice from Married Relatives
For those who had been through the courtship and marriage system, there was plenty of good-hearted warning that marriage brought its own problems, not least lack of money and ever-increasing number of children.
For those who had been through the courtship and marriage system, there was plenty of good-hearted warning that marriage brought its own problems, not least lack of money and ever-increasing number of children.
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Conclusion
The significance of marriage in a relationship has diminished in recent times. Marriage was once deemed to be a God-given sacrament which could only be conferred by the church as a union for life. That connection has now been challenged by the desire to test compatability. The change in social attitudes would make many of these postcards irrelevant.
The significance of marriage in a relationship has diminished in recent times. Marriage was once deemed to be a God-given sacrament which could only be conferred by the church as a union for life. That connection has now been challenged by the desire to test compatability. The change in social attitudes would make many of these postcards irrelevant.
